I wanted to be drained and fall apart supporting a villainous woman. The chapter on why it became past tense.

My preference is selfish—a woman who doesn't regard others as human beings at all. Even better if she's a woman who would take and take from someone until they go bankrupt, without a shred of guilt or conscience. When I told a friend about this ideal woman, he was horrified and told me to live strong. I don't understand. Yet the woman I ended up marrying is a beautiful, virtuous wife and wise mother. I'd like to explain how this came to pass.